More Stuff White Midwesterners Like: Mules.

You don't see them so much anymore, but back in the day every farm had a mule or three. However, our love of mule has endured here in the midwest. It's the official state animal in Missouri, the mascot for Central Missouri State University (or whatever in the hell they're callin' it these days) and the high school mascot in towns from Fairfield, Illinois to Bedford, Michigan to Poplar Bluff. Nowadays the Amtrak line from St. Louis to Kansas City is called the "Mule." And if you've never swallowed a Moscow Mule you're missing something. (Get your mind outta the gutter.) Just add vodka, lime juice and ginger Beer and serve it cold in a pewter mug. It's gooder'n hell, I'm telling ya.


White Midwesterner of the Week: That hot guy on Mad Men.

See photos of Jon

Oh sure, you thought that Don Draper guy on the teevee was a native of New York? Heck no that boy is from St. Louis, Missouri. He went to some fancy-pants high school in Ladue (where the money is) and even got an acting scholarship to go to Mizzou. (Brad Pitt went there too without an acting scholarship, but he seems to do OK.) But you know he's a White Midwesterner on account of the way he wears pleated khakis on the show, and I bet you a donut he's got a few pieces of Budweiser memorabilia at his house. You can take the boy outta St. Louis, but you can't take the St. Louis outta the boy.

If you'd like to nominate someone for WM of the WK, email us.

November 14, 2008

Newly Discovered Things White Midwesterners Like: The Chicken Dance



Now I consider the Chicken Dance to be an abomination - I'd rather be waterboarded. When I got married I specified no music at the afternoon reception because I hate that song with an unending passion. But the fact that it's a song often played by polka bands (and often at wedding receptions at VFW halls) qualifies it as being part of White Midwestern culture.

November 13, 2008

Newly Discovered Things White Midwesterners Like: Barn Stars


star barn
Originally uploaded by Ardent Eye
I've had so much fun doing press for I Love Ranch Dressing but the most fun is when people ask me "Why didn't you include...?" So here are a few new Things White Midwesterners Like, brought to my attention by radio hosts and listeners around the country:

Stars on Houses: I hadn't noticed this until it was pointed out to me by a Michigan morning show, but damned if it isn't true. These were apparently a big deal in Amish communities and German immigrant farming communities (from whence my ancestors came) and are make a big comeback now. There isn't much significance to them (other than, "Hey, I like stars!") but they do scream, "White Midwesterners Live Here."

November 04, 2008

More Stuff White Midwesterners Like: Infomercial Products


cham wow
Originally uploaded by sublies
Have you seen the Sham-Wow commercial yet? Well if you're in the White Midwest I guaran-darn-tee that your neighbor Carl has. He bought the bonus set and uses them to clean up the AstroVan, the family's incontinent Labradoodle "Misty", and his John Deere lawn mower, which he keeps in pristine condition just in case someone from the John Deere company comes by to say "hey." Every White Midwestern home has at least a half dozen life-changing products that were ordered off the TV, and this is what all the cool kids are buying.

November 03, 2008

Extreme White Midwesterner Home Makeover, Part 2: Doilies


A Doily from my Aunt Beth
Originally uploaded by bcmom


White Midwesterners loooove doilies. Doilies can be found on the back of an easychair, on the coffee table, and even on their heads of old Catholic and Baptist White Midwesterners at funerals. (This is the only thing Baptists and Catholics have in common. that and the fact they don't want their kids marrying each other.) You can even dress up a boring sweatshirt with a doily collar and elbow pads. We love them because they are dainty, equisitely labor-intensive, and most of all--white.