Stuff White Midwesterners Like: CrockPot Food

It's getting a little cooler here in the Midwest and that means one thing: break out the CrockPot.

White Midwesterners loooooovvveee CrockPot cooking. And why wouldn't we - the crock pot was invented in Chicago, Illinois - the cultural mecca of the White Midwest. (Fancypants people have LeCreuset; White Midwesterners have Rival.)

Sure, anybody can make Rotel Dip or Little Smokies with BBQ Sauce (both White Midwestern party food staples) but like all things we touch, White Midwesterners like to gussy things up a bit. Even though we have perfectly good ovens, White Midwesterners will cook cake in a CrockPot and you can even make soap (not at the same time).

We love our CrockPots so much we own themed CrockPots:




And EVERY CrockPot recipe contains the word "CrockPot" - just so you know that if you want to make Easy Cheesy CrockPot Chicken you're gonna have to call Carl to get it down from the high shelf.

The Midwest is Red State Country Right?

Wrong.

If you take a look at the latest Real Clear Politics Electoral College Map you'll notice something about the Midwest - it's not as much "Red Country" as the national media would have you believe. Although there are a slew of White Midwesterners who claim to be Democrats, there's also a healthy chunk who are obviously not going to be voting for The Descendant of a White Midwesterners Who By The Way is A Senator From Illinois. Sure the Dakotas, Nebraska, and Kansas are solidly in the McCain camp, and only Iowa and Illinois are solidly Obama's. But Missouri, Indiana, Minnesota and Wisconsin are still toss up states.

Why?

White Midwesterners don't want to be rushed. What with our Consumer Reports and "Try it Before You Buy It" segments on local TV, White Midwesterners like to keep our options open. Maybe in the next 40 days Palin will grow a brain, or Obama will actually be able to articulate an idea without using the word "change." And then we'd have to go back and change our answer. White Midwesterners don't like to change our answers - it makes us look flaky.

In the meantime, we're keeping our options open.

White Midwestern Culture, the Business Edition: Cubicle Decor

As we've seen before, White Midwesterners are fond of decorating just about anything we can lay our eyes on - tying wreaths on cars, bedazzling do-dads on sweaters to make them more festive, and turning tumbleweeds into snowmen. And why not? With the economy in the toilet and gas prices making us wince, we could all use a little cheerfulness courtesy of a 30% off coupon from JoAnn Craft Stores. (Not TOO much cheerfulness - extremes in emotions make us uncomfortable.)

Today I present: The Halloween Cubicle.

(Spotted in Overland Park, KS)

Notice the sunflower, which White Midwesterners consider to be a staple of home decor:

And not to be out done is the cubicle found directly across from the Halloween cubicle.

Behold: The Thanksgiving Cubicle:

Cheerful, colorful, and educational at an affordable price. What's not to love?

Attention farmers, tweakers, and insomniacs:

On Air Light
Originally uploaded by jonxyz

I’m going to be on a Denver radio show (850 KOA-AM) called “After Midnight with Rick Barber” Thursday morning at 5:00 am Central (a/k/a White Midwesterners) Time. Click the link above and tune in!

Crafty White Midwesterners

Wreaths on Car Grills in Late January?
Originally uploaded by edkohler

Ever since I Love Ranch Dressing came out I've gotten lots of great suggestions for some other crazy things about White Midwesterner Culture. Today's blog post is on the theme of Crafty White Midwesterners. These are from Marty L., who grew up in Kansas and now lives (the much more sparkly) Las Vegas, Nevada:

(1) The way people decorate their vehicles: with window flags, car magnets supporting our troops, wreaths on the front grill at Christmas, flowers on trhe antenna. I once saw a lady with a small mug of artificial flowers stuck on her dashboard. Also how teens write on each other's cars to celebrate their teams. You see "Go Panthers!" or the kid's name & jersey number or "We're No. 1" (not to mention "Just Married")

(2) In western Kansas I have seen snowmen made out of tumbleweeds. They get 3 nice round tumbleweeds of graduated sizes. They spray them with a can of spray artificial snow & hot glue them together into a snowman. Then they dress them with nose, scarf, hat, buttons, eyes etc. Very cute.

(3) All the uses of empty egg cartons (they're not just for Easter eggs anymore) like drawer organizers, jewelry holders, nuts/bolts dividers/organizers.

Welcome!

Welcome to your one-stop-shop for learning about all things White and Midwestern. My book, "I Love Ranch Dressing: And Other Stuff White Midwesterners Like" is now available on Amazon.com and soon (if not already) in your local bookstores. I had a great time writing about my beloved homeland, the squishy center of America - hope ya like it!

Check back often - we have a lot of fun stuff in store for you!